Flying Ryanair

Marseille Airport, 20:40 – so far so good, the luggage check-in started on time. I’m slightly worried that my suitcase is over 15 kg, in which case I would have to pay £8 or something per each excess kg on top of the £12 that I have already paid so they would let me take a suitcase at all. Luckily it isn't.
22:00 – Waiting Lounge. The screen announces that our flight is now boarding through gate F. The crowds rush forward and so do we (let’s note the abnormality of the situation: for once we’re actually boarding on time, my hitherto experiences show an average delay of at least 20 minutes).
22:15 – All passengers have been neatly crammed into three waiting lines, one Priority Line (for those who were silly enough to spend extra money on priority boarding, which in reality doesn’t give them anything at all or almost), two other lines, we’re waiting. The plane is noticeably not there (although it should have landed at 22:10).
22:25 – The plane is still not there. Everyone’s starting to get annoyed obviously having missed the point of boarding in the absence of a plane.
22.40 – Due take off time, the plane is still not there.
22:50 – The plane is there. We watch people get off it and then we are ushered through the doors and onto the plane. On the plane, the main stewardess, or whatever you call them nowadays, encourages the passengers to ‘move down the aisle and promptly take seats in order to allow for a quick take off’. That would have been ok if the frequency and the tone of these messages did not imply that it would be our fault if we landed late.
23:15 – The plane starts moving, the security briefing begins just to be almost immediately interrupted by the said stewardess in order to tell people off for not paying attention while it is for their safety. I turn my head and I don’t see anyone not paying attention. What I see is a steward rushing down the aisle to take his spot.
23:25 – We are finally airborne. I check that there is a life jacket under my seat and that neither the jacket nor the oxygen mask panel have been equipped with a coin slot. I mean, they were planning to fit those on the loos, so you never know right?

Other travel entertainment consisted in the same stewardess telling several passengers off for trying to use the toilet while the seat-belt sign was on. She had indeed informed us each time that the toilets would not be available, the intercom however was regulated at a volume where no one could have possibly heard it. I mean, I thought being nice was part of her job description… but then again, how long can you keep being nice if all you do all day is deal with frustrated passengers?