On how I won a cruise to Caribbean

For a long while, my parents had to call me simultaneously on my mobile and my land line so that I would know to answer the latter – the phone just didn’t ring. On top of that, speaking to anyone for more than 5 minutes resulted inevitably in a back pain, as the only way you could position yourself while on the phone was squatting on the stairs, where you would also necessarily be in the way of anyone trying to get from the lounge to the kitchen, and who sometimes inadvertently kicked you as passing by or spilled their drink on your head.
So a couple of weeks ago I have finally decided to go buy a new phone. I opted for wireless, so that I could have my transatlantic counselling sessions comfortably lying on my bed and so that my flatmates were not forced to listen to my occasional highly vocal disagreements with my parents. Unfortunately the phone came with very short cables, so I had to redecorate the entrance by sticking them to the floor with bright blue masking tape, which was the only potentially appropriate thing I could find. But that was not the biggest problem. The biggest problem is that now it won’t stop ringing.
‘Hello?’ – ‘You have just won a cruise to the Caribbean…’.
I don’t want to go to the Caribbean and I don’t want to know what I would have to buy to actually go, I want to sit down and concentrate on my work, if you don’t mind/eat my dinner in peace/whatever else I was doing when you decided to force your recorded emotionless message on me.
‘Hello?’ – ‘Can I speak to [insert my landlord’s name]?’
Not discouraged by the lack of ‘please’ at the end of that sentence I reply politely: ‘I’m sorry, but he doesn’t live here anymore.’
And the guy just hangs up!
‘What the f*#& happened to ‘thank you’, ‘sorry for disturbing you’? Learn your manners, stupid knob!’ I bellow down the dead line.
Happily I am home alone so my flatmates are not forced to listen to my highly vocal expression of disagreement.